The Meatless Chulent

Hubby knows me well

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 12:34:00 +0000

My hubby was out of town, and brought me back a slew of gifts because he happened to be in one of my favorite towns. The best though? A mug with a fifties housewife on it and the tagline "Am I happy? If by happy you mean trapped with no means of escape . . ." Ha! I do love my life but somedays, wow, ClubMed sounds wonderful.

In which I praise my mother

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Dear Mom:

Thank you for

Hosting me and the kiddies motzei Shabbos when hubby left for his trip
Taking us to the museum (because I would never pay to go there)
Realizing that something was wrong with wee bitty because I may never have
Watching wee one while I rushed wee bitty to the doctor's house so she could fix wee bitty's arm
Watching wee one while I rushed wee bitty to the E.R. in an effort for them to fix her arm
Watching wee bitty while I ran to the 24 hour drug store to pick up her script for her ear infection once her arm magically fixed itself in the E.R. waiting room
Hosting us all again last night because wee one was sleeping and I was too zonked to go home.
Juice boxes. Lots of juice boxes because it seems that my kids lived on them while at my mom's house.

Mom, you are the best.

Happy Black Friday!

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:14:00 +0000

I got stuck in the middle of a mob of angry shoppers over a 3 dollar sandwich maker (that they were out of, and was most likely made in China, meaning I wouldn't have bought it if they had it anyway).
Good luck ladies n gents.

Happy Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:05:00 +0000

Happy Non Turkey Day

Un-baking

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:35:00 +0000

I thought I got out of any Thanksgiving cooking by accepting an invite to my mother's for lunch. I felt as though I had dodged a bullet. But then my mom asked if I could make dessert. Sure! I said, I have cookies in the freezer. no prob bob. And then my aunt called "Could you please make that triple chocolate cheesecake? Your mom said you were bringing dessert." Uhhhh, sure, I guess. I mean cheesecake is not particularly hard. Until the phone rang and my uncle called "Your mom said you are making dessert, can you bring that white chocolate mango torte? It is the best." Well flattery gets you everywhere, so I said sure.
And then I went to the grocery store today and was almost mauled by some lady over the last box of pareve graham crackers (I swear, she hissed at me! And told me to go buy the Nabisco brand and let go of her graham crackers). And I forgot an ingredients, so I had to go back to the store. And by then it was gridlock in every aisle.
And I still have to bake some oatmeal raisin cookies (hubby cannot eat chocolate) because when I took the ones I had out of the freezer they magically disappeared while my husband and his learning partner were sitting at the dining room table. And hubby swears he has "no clue what happened" but next time, could I make the "cookies with more raisins".
So listen up, family of mine, you best enjoy every bite of dessert tomorrow because I never ever ever volunteer to make dessert again. EVER!

He can be taught!

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:31:00 +0000

Ladies and gents, it has taken me four years, BUT I am pleased to report that my husband can be taught! YES HE CAN! And I am not talking about putting the seat down (that he learned rather quickly), I am talking about my birthday. In my hubby's family birthdays are nothing. They send cards and checks, and leave it at that. My husband didn't even have birthday parties as a kid.
In my family, until you hit 35 birthdays are big. Parties, presents, special things; the whole works. Hubby has resisted me for years. Forgotten my birthday, bought me crappy gifts at the last minute, the whole nine yards. I have been subjected to all of it. But this year, he finally proved that he can be taught.
1. He bought me a present
2. It was something I wanted, from my amazon.com wishlist.
3. It arrived on time for my birthday.
4. He bought me flowers on my birthday.
5. He called to say happy birthday after minyan.
6. He took the day off so we could go do something as a family at my favorite zoo in a nearby town.
7. He then treated us all to dinner at a restaurant I could eat at.

It was fabulous. If I can teach him this, maybe I can work on anniversaries next. Whatcha think?

Vegan MOFO

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:28:00 +0000

Vegan MOFO is almost over! Thank goodness. All this menu planning, is making my head spin ;)

Monday:Rice and beans
Tuesday: Salad and cheese sandwiches (should the cheese arrive in time of WI)
Wednesday: Date night (hubby and I have not had one of these in 22 months. I am super psyched. My mom is taking both kids for the whole night for a sleepover. She is the bestest mommy ever!)
Thursday: Leftovers (my mom is hosting us for lunch, and promised to send home extras)
Friday: Pot pie
Saturday: Cereal
Sunday: Pizza

What are y'all doing for Thanksgiving? We don't really do anything around here, not for religious reasons, but just because we are all too lazy.

Words I never wanted to hear

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 13:38:00 +0000

My editor on my voicemail: "Funky! Loved loved loved the article you did on topic XYZ. Was curious if you could lengthen it by another 1,000 words. Need it by Monday night so I can run it Wednesday! Thanks!"

Hate hate hate voicemail. Want to kill cellphone.

In other news, am currently obsessed with Mocha hot chocolate mix that I found at Whole Foods. And peppermint chocolate soymilk. Very very obsessed.

Also, I never want to see snow again and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. Sigh.

Vegan Week of Food

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:00:00 +0000

To keep the vegan MOFO juices flowing, here is the dinner menu for this week (yea, it's late, sorry!)

Monday: Everything on top Salad
Tuesday: Lentil soup
Wednesday: Stew
Thursday: Rice and beans
Friday: Pasta
Saturday: Cereal
Sunday: TBD, but most likely veggie burgers

P.S. To the very nice FedEx man who left the 56 pound box of shelves stacked in front of my door, blocking my entry. Thank you! I had so much fun moving it! It was such a hoot indeed that I invite you to come do it next time.

Don't ask, don't tell

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:17:00 +0000

One of the articles I am working on is a collection of women's attitudes towards sharing their birth stories. And since no one asked my opinion on this issue, I am going to share it here.
Please please please, DON'T TELL ME. I have no desire to share mine, and I have no desire to hear yours. In fact, when I see new mothers, I will try to steer the conversation ANYWHERE but towards a birth story. I am even willing to submit myself to hearing about the wonders of Sarah Palin, or your grandfather's latest phallic surgery, just please please do not mention:
1. Epidurals
2. The hours you were in labor
3. The pain
4. How your husband did xyz stupid
5. How long it took
6. The seven times you went to the hospital in false labor
7. How big the baby is
8. Apgar scores

Because ladies, I don't really want to know. And from working on this article, there seems to be a bunch of women who do want to know. So I suggest starting playgroups with those mommies because I am busy attending the playgroup for mothers who would rather discuss the latest New York Time's headlines (and now I snort a little because playgroup? HA! But that is another post).
Just saying.

Blessed are those who have lots of work

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:47:00 +0000

That is my mantra. I keep saying it over and over because if my editor gives me ONE more assignment due before Thanksgiving, I MAY CUT OFF ALL MY FINGERS! Like pulling a Van Gogh for journalists? What do ya'll think? So far the total is 20 articles (all researched based) and all about 500 words a piece. Which is not a lot, but ieesh, my kids want to be fed as well.
In other news, I think wee bitty has a Napoleon complex. As in she ALWAYS has her hand in her shirt (so she can play with her belly button, natch). She refuses to wear her footie pajamas (despite the snow outside) because she is unable to reach her belly after I zip her up. Which means she wakes up howling in the middle of night because she is cold. Which means I have to wake up and put her pajamas back on her (so she can pull them off, natch) and we can repeat the process ad nauseum. Suggestions are being accepted.
I am going car shopping tonight, so say a little prayer for me (or a REALLY big one, which may be better).
Oh ya, Ooh-rah to all the vets out there.

Vegan Week of Food

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:59:00 +0000

Lots of people have asked me what I eat. For a vegan, it is one of the most annoying questions you can ever be asked. Trust me. I have heard there ae thousands of edible fruits and veggies varieties and I enjoy most of them. I have no clue how many kinds of kosher meat there are, but I think it falls into "chicken, cow, turkey, lamb, duck, bison". A lot fewer then my veggie count. But I digress.
Anyway, so in honor of Vegan MOFO, I thought I would share my dinner plan for the week. Note that I serve green salad with every meal because wee one loves it, and we only eat whole grains in this house.

Monday: Moroccan Spaghetti Squash, courtesy of smitten kitchen's blog.
Tuesday: Jalfrezi Tofu with rice
Wednesday: Pizza
Thursday: Vegan chili
Friday: Pasta (apple pastry for dessert)
Saturday lunch (I only cook lunch on Saturdays, for third meal the kids eat cereal and I read a book): Chulent
Sunday: This Sunday we are invited to a birthday party, so I am making mashed potatoes because I know there will be food at the party and my kids will only need a little pick me up when they get home

And that's it. I try to keep my food/household (that includes my finds at the thrift store, or this week, some toys for a charity drive) budget at about $100 a week

You may all laugh, but quietly please

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:49:00 +0000

I have been buying chulent mix of years. And years. And spending like 3 dollars for a bag of beans. And then we had a moth incident here in my town and it seems all the kosher stores are infested. So a lot of people I know have been checking their beans on the porch. When I asked my mom what I should do (a lot of people have also just been making chulent with only barley), she quipped "Why not make your own chulent mix?" DUH! And so people, I just paid 3 dollars for 8 bags of beans which I mixed together to make my own chulent mix.
Now please hide your chuckling behind your hands.

Good Reads, Maybe?

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:16:00 +0000

I admit it. I am rankled by the food industry. Severely rankled. Rankled enough that I don't shop at a lot of stores, ignore most brands, and am a vegan. I honestly believe if as a planet we could better manage our resources and treat the living things around us with more kindness, we may just be able to start treating our fellow human beings with more kindness. I also know that I am one of a small minority who even care. My husband will tell you he couldn't care a fig about the life of a chicken or how Nestle handles themselves as long as there is good food on the table at the end of the day. We have had many an arguments about it.
And yet I am fascinated by the food industry. What it does, and what it doesn't do. How it chooses to regulate itself, and the sheer amount of money it has to lobby the people who are supposed to represent me. I am completely in disgusted awe of how the food industry works.
Recently I have stumbled over two separate books. Waste and Food Inc. Both were interesting reads. I will admit that Waste was very research heavy book, and sort of a slow go, but I felt after I had slogged through it that I had learned something, which made it worth the endless hours of reading. Food Inc. was a much faster read (written in essay form, it was easy to get through). Like anything, Food Inc is only as good as its sources as it has to be noted that most of the writers represent their own interests to a certain extent, but nonetheless, it was still noteworthy to read what is going on in the world of food.
So if you have some time for some non-fiction, I do recommend both books for anyone interested in learning more about the food industry. I just warn you, some of it may make you gag.

911 Dispatch

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:46:00 +0000

I was driving today to the local outlet mall (52 friggin dollars for two pairs of kids shoes, UGH!) when I saw an accident happen. A car hit a telephone pole, and then another car hit that one. I knew no one was getting out of their car to exchange insurance and go on their way, so I called 911. Smart move, eh? So when the 911 dispatcher picked up I started to tell them what I saw in front of me. And you know what they asked me? Where was I. And I? HAD NO FRIGGIN CLUE! I was somewhere between home and the outlet malls, but it is a route I just know because I grew up around here, and I don't need a map. I have no clue what the street I was on was called (other then it is that little country road with a red house at the end where you make a right) much less what city I was on. And the dispatcher? She said to me "Well I can't help you unless you can tell me where you are. I need to know which 911 cell tower to direct your call to." WHICH IS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD! Aren't all cellphones equipped with GPS systems so 911 can find you? What is the point if I still have to tell someone where I am?
Anyway, here is where having a tech obsessed husband comes in handy. I did have my GPS in the car. Not plugged in, but I had it. And I was able to ask my GPS where I was (which turned out to be someplace called Olde Newcomerville, don't ask). But it took me time to pull out the GPS, turn it on, and wait for the satellites to kick in. Time which I am sure would have been better used GETTING PARAMEDICS TO THE SCENE (because remember, I was in Olde Newcomerville, where it appears, the nearest paramedics were about 15 minutes away).
It turns out the people in the cars were just a little hurt, not a lot hurt, but still. I don't feel as though I should of had to tell someone where I was, I feel that they should have somehow known. Am I being silly?

No offense

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 12:38:00 +0000

But if you spent your extra hour this morning snuggled warm in your bed, snoozing away the blissful hour before first light, I may just hate you.

Enterprise

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:09:00 +0000

Dear Enterprise Rent A Car:

Thank you so much for teaching me that yes, my fingers can turn slightly bluish if I do not wear my gloves while trying to uninstall my children's carseats from my Camry into the rental Elantra you gave me. Double thanks goes to the helpful saleslady who told me the car did not have a LATCH system (when I could not find it) forcing me to try to install the carseats using the belting method. In the backseat. With my belly in the way. And the snow flying everywhere. And the wind. And my children consistently taking their shoes and socks off while they played in the Elantra (which you will not let them eat in, thanks for that too). Turns out the Elantra does have a LATCH system, but I found that out too late for my poor fingers.

Sincerely,

Funky

P.S. I would lend you a hanky to wipe up all that sarcasm you must be sitting in at the moment, but I am hardly feeling that generous.

Good book

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:21:00 +0000

Sorry I have been so shotty round here lately. Like I said, October is the month from nowhere pleasant around here. There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel, though! Halloween is Saturday, which means OCTOBER WILL BE OVER! YEEHA! I only have seven articles, and three hundred pages of clinical reports to do. Not a prob, Bob.

Anyway, I have been trying to read Mennonite in a Little Black Dress. So far, in my stolen moments, it is a hilarious book, and I am enjoying it.

I am also enjoying Chamomile Honey Vanilla Tea. Yummers.

What are y'all enjoying?

Outta the mouthes of Kindergarteners

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:16:00 +0000

"My cousin celebrates Christmas because he lives in Lincoln"

The need to not buy

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:41:00 +0000

I have decided we own too much stuff as a collective whole. This has produced the desire to purge all of our belongings. Okay, not all, just the ones we are not using. And I have put an embargo on buying anything new that is not food or diapers/wipes. We don't need it.
This of course has produced its opposite effect in my house. Instead of being happy to get rid, it seems that things keep cropping up that we need to buy. For instance, all the socks the kids own seem to have vanished into the black hole of life. So I had to buy them socks. At the Gap. Which is in the mall. It was awful (in good news, I used a store credit I had, so I spent no cash.) And then my Cuisinart, my handy dandy everyday kitchen machine busted its bowl, and that bowl had to be replaced (ARGH! But I guess it is better then buying a whole new Cuisinart). Then I needed a pair of gloves because for some reason I only had one actual pair (lots of single gloves, no pairs) and that pair is bring blue ski gloves. Not really Shabbos attire and impossible to do anything fine motor with. Thankfully, the glove problem fixed itself when I cleaned out the hall closet and found two pairs hiding behind wee bitty's stored crib. Now Hubby is complaining about how we own no bookshelves or dressers. My mom said she could give me a dresser, if I find someone to move it from her house, and maybe even a bookshelf. But what happened to the whole "NOT BRINGING ANYTHING NEW INTO THE HOUSE!" It is just super frustrating. I feel that even without buying anything I am still forced into bringing stuff into this house.
And the cars. Oh don't start me on the cars. They both need to be replaced, and sooner rather then later, but GEEZ, I hate car shopping. I did go test drive the Sienna and the Odyssey, so that is a step in the right direction, but I only found that I like the features of the Sienna better but the way the Odyssey drives better. So now what? Can someone just go buy the car for me and surprise me? Please? Because I hate hate hate car shopping.

Uh huh you heard that right

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:54:00 +0000

I'm staring at five inches of snow. Please pass the blankets and hot chocolate cuz I am not leaving my house!

Third time is a whack in the head

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:30:00 +0000

I was driving hubby's car today and guess what? I GOT REAR ENDED. AGAIN.
This time by a 17 year old kid who was driving his grandma's car and not carrying his insurance card or license.
WHAT IS THE MESSAGE G-D? Because I don't think out cars can take anymore damages.

Eek

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:24:00 +0000

Hubby gone for five days. Children on new 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. awake schedule. Naps are optional. Send Super Nanny

Random Yom Tov-iness

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 23:52:00 +0000

I lost weight on Yom Tov. Knock me socks off.
Still sick.
Pulled three muscles.
Why oh why were hakafos five hours today? Why oh why did they give out treat bags in hour four and a half?
Lost wee bitty in the house today for an hour. Turns out she fell asleep behind the dirty laundry bags in the hallways. Oy.
Busted another tire on my BOB. Yeesh.
Spent a meal at someone else's house where they spent the ENTIRE time talking in Yiddish. Very awkward.

Go ahaead and laugh . . .

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyFrum) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:19:00 +0000

but first pass the Kleenex.

I have the flu.